interpals

It's that time again for hope to spring eternal and a new attempt at communicating through words and finding friends (and the one, naturally) so here is the latest and greatest and most recent and most whatever profile uploaded to the web. It is on a pen-pal site called interpals (no relation to Interpol... I think) and I think this links to my profile. Below is what is in my profile. As usual, feel free to correct grammatical errors, critique, and otherwise improve my attempt to express who I am and introduce myself to the world.

Thank you for clicking on "About Me"

I signed up impulsively. I am not sure I will correspond on a regular basis. I doubt I will respond immediately because life is not that structured these days. Writing is one of my ways of processing life. The written me can be very different than the off-page me as I dump all the negativity, complaining, whining, unpleasantness (and typos) into words and then laugh at myself (and the challenges of life) and then I move along to the next moment. Sometimes the words are distractions (recently, a lot) and sometimes I feel like a genius (that passes quickly upon self-mockery and further reflection). Sometimes prose, sometimes rhymes, mostly I let words flow as an extension of my thought process.

I am not sure what I am looking for here. The bottom line desire in me is honesty - being as real, sincere, and present as possible is what I seek from myself. Anything else is even more fleeting than life itself and often meaningless. I rarely sense a real sincere presence from people, at least not one they want to share.

The saddest aspect of this life is that honest love seems too vulnerable for people to share, but it is my quest (Don Quixote and me - and I laugh even as I am at my most serious on this point). Friends tell me they admire that even as they tell me I am not being realistic. I smile and continue. Being true to honest love and myself is always the greatest personal joy in this life. :)

I find explaining the words "honest love" helps not only introduce me, but helps clarify communication, especially in written words. I use the term to express the innocent, genuine, unencumbered, and unconditional love that I want to send out to the universe. It is not meant to suggest anything more, not sensual, romantic, nor any sort of request. Just a wish to feel safe, secure, cared for, and happy. It is honesty without harm, caring without expectation, love without obligation, and a moment of serenity. My intention is to care and inspire a genuine smile.

Mostly, in recent times, life has been full of frivolous fun and that is, well, fun, but I do seeks a sense of deeper meaning, more personalized caring, more purposeful sharing. I do not seek it with all my heart/mind the way I used to (ah, scars and waning hope are rational reasons, but mostly I don't think about it for the moment).

It is just as likely that I sit here watching the world go round and round because I have no income and savings dwindles. I am staying with a generous friend and have contemplated living in my car - a bohemian lifestyle I have enjoyed in the past when it was my choice to travel and explore. I have been alive for 60 years (still a child inside though) and much of this life was what our culture would call success and luxury and some of it was what our culture would call failure and poverty. My perspective is not based on the material world as what matters to me is what is inside people (and other living beings).

What matters most to me (is an ever changing carousel with honest love at it's core), overall, is caring and nurturing friends and trying to live life and share each moment as positively as possible.

At the moment my priority is finding income so I can return the gifts friends have given me and regain more independent options. Each day I send out resumes and enjoy the free time because "free time" is the greatest luxury I have experienced in this life.

I have known immense euphoric joy and times of overwhelming traumatic pain in my time on this planet and it is, as the seasonal film suggests, a wonderful life. I hope to share more honest love and fun adventures with friends. I treasure the few true friends I know and hope to find a few more along the way. If I find a few people who understand me, all the more wonderful it will be.

There is a bit of an introduction (too much for a profile?... well, it may keep the superficial and the phishers away... or not... rhetoric questions amuse me {as does pushing the limits of language rules}. As do parenthetic asides. I enjoy babbling in written words, so considered yourself warned - or tempted if you enjoy babble). :)

I hope your day smiling more than frowning and your life is as joyous as you want it to be. If it isn't, I hope you do something - life is change and you have the power to change yours. Do something that inspires your smile. :)

I leave these words here with no expectations. May they send you my wish for personal peace, honest love, a sense of security, and radiant happiness.

honest love,
ric