Fishing Again (Extended Edition)

The latest update to the Plenty Of Fish profile, no doubt.

A word that best describes me? Nonsense lol. I am seriously irreverently serious. A dozen are accurate, so any one is inaccurate, yet that is the nature of social relationships. Labels, categories, boxes. If you fall for that prejudicial pretense of knowing someone, we probably won't be close friends. No games, no pretenses, honesty without harm. I want a best friend forever. Everything starts there.

Words may be a waste of time for we will never know each other through words alone, no less through just a few (hundred), but I do love words so here we are. Most of my friends know some part of me, but no one today really knows me and that's lonely. Getting to know someone takes time, people don't seem to have much time these days. I have activity friends, no best friends. If you are someone who will share that time it takes to become friends, be open, honest, willing, and able to share yourself or we'll be wasting time - please do not pretend.

I don't like make-up at all, unless it's a costume party or theater.

In this life, I find friendly conversation with most anyone, however rarely do I find truly intimate compatibility on any level. Intimacy i not sexuality in this sense, I've been asexual for many years and am not looking for a sexual fling. I seek to share intellect and emotions more than anything else, for the body is way too easy to share and please. Sexuality is too often misinterpreted as compatibility or even falling in love and I think that is the biggest mistake people make when interacting. I believe that the more you overcome your fears in healthy and positive ways, the better you will be able to share yourself.

If this profile will allow a link, then http://candoor.net is one way to know me. There you'll find a lot of words that detail my interests, including dozens of 'blogs', some personal some play some just kept like filing cabinets online. I've been writing since I could first hold a crayon. I love music of many genre from the Beatles (old and well known) to Meg & Dia (new and little known), from hard rock to show tunes and much in between. Songwriters: Harry Chapin, Jackson Browne, Pink Floyd, and John Lennon wrote words that are part of my psyche, as did Melissa Etheridge, Billy Joel, John Denver, Paul Simon, Tim Rice, Justin Hayward, Bernie Taupin, Stevi Nicks, Bob Dylan, and so many others. While lyrics may be my first love, musical journeys span from classical to heavy metal.

So I love words, writing, reading, communicating and playing with them. I love stories that stretch the imagination and challenge the status quo, such as science fiction and sociological allegories. I play softball in leagues a few times a week, each. Love of self is reflected in the body and if you are not loving yourself, I hope you start soon.I with share motivation as I can use some too. I enjoy some tv, especially when a friend enjoys a show with me. I used to watch a few shows with my roommate each week and I miss that. I love live theater, live music, life. I love to sing, ah, if only there were a hundred hours in each day.

My weekends are as busy as I want them to be as I have different groups of friends for my diverse interests (gee, I almost sound popular). Some days I stay home relaxing with tv, book, youtube, reading web pages, or some geeky activity involving computers or other gadgets. I do not drink or take any drugs to get high anymore (I've tried them all long ago so I don't condemn or preach as I once enjoyed chemically induced alternative consciousnesses, I can just get there internally now because, after all, the brain does it all anyway).

My primary goal in this life has always been to live honestly without harm and most of the time I achieve it (nobody's perfect - and who wants to be nobody, ya know?). Sharing life with a partner who shares everything is a goal I've not achieves, though I've had long relationships that have come close. I am very happy within myself, enjoy life alone, and love sharing with others. I am looking for someone who fits me as I fit them. That may not happen in this life, but I remain a hopeful child :)

Still reading?... ah, see, there is hope :)

This site, like most, limits the accuracy of profiles with fixed pull down menus. It refused to let me leave "birth parents" blank. I was adopted, so the question is moot. Another inaccuracy is my date of birth. I will not provide online profiles with a date of birth for that makes identity theft too easy. If it matters, I am an Aries and the year is one year off. I work in a sensitive job in the public sector and must maintain some distance between my online activities and my professional life. Ask me face to face and I will explain more. See, I can be serious too :)

This site suggests that I point out what makes me unique. Too much already? (ah, I love self-mockery, noticed?). I have no need for the common crutches and communal supports that most people seem to need in this life. As I see it, religion is a dangerous delusion that provokes and provides justification for more harm than any other single concept in human history or daily life. Politics is mostly for control freaks and there are way too many fighting for control due to their insecurities, greed, and other inadequacies. While I disagree with some of what George Carlin said on the subjects, he articulated many opinions that makes sense to me and there is more wisdom in his words than in most humans I've listened to. Harry Chapin too. Listen. I respect some human fears, but do not share many. I think clothing is a pretense people hide behind, like makeup and titles and money and other masks, to cover up their fear of being real. People pretend all the time. I sense the realness within and feel sad they try so hard to hide it. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I see people hurting themselves and when intimate, I will not ignore self-harm. Silence is apathy, I want to care. Silent acceptance of harm is harm. I am far from perfect, but I am internally self-actualized and aware when I want to be. I am told that it is challenging to relate to me because I am "too" something - diverse, innocent, idealistic, intelligent, energetic, child-like, eclectic, stubborn, strong, sensitive, open, honest, intense, different, simple, complex, out there). Wordy? lol. The one I seek is out there with me :)

I am known as Bugs Webbot on facebook the links there will tell you more about me. The simplest way to know me is just ask. My approach to these social networking websites is - if I find a friend here, wonderful. If I find someone who might become a partner in life, amazing... I hope you amaze me :)

Whatever you do, may you give it your all and create more smiles than frowns along the way :)

This is continued from above because of character limits on this site...

What does ambition even mean to you? They force us to select too many labels here and that provides an inaccurate profile, but I mentioned that already, didn't I? Land of the free, ha. A sad ha too, but lol :)

Ok, so at first I selected "other relationship" from the list above because I have friends, but don't have a best friend. I can find a lover (as Billy Joel sang), but do not have an intimate partner. I have dreams, but do not have a soulmate in life today. I am looking for people who can relate to me more closely, intimately, universally, and hopefully one person will feel the same partnership with me that I seek.

On a purely physical level (which is not what I seek, but you may wish to know), I respect healthy fitness and that is attractive for me. Flab and fat are not because they are signs of unhealthy laziness or even self-abuse..I play a lot of softball with people half my age and do well. Be honest in your love. I strongly suggest that if you feel fat, flabby, or old (on any level, physically, emotionally, intellectually, ethereally), then focus your energy on improving your feeling about yourself before you look for self-esteem outside of yourself. I hope you actualize love for yourself in every way, including physically.

I really want to find a true friend. If you want to turn on my libido and only my libido, you probably will not get what you want, but you can try cuz, as the Stones sang, sometimes... if you fit the narrow libido fantasy, that is... we can mock libido and ego all we want when we are friends :)

Dating? I don't think I've ever been on a what most people seem to call date in this life. My two close relationships were long term and started by chance meeting through work or through friendly gatherings. The time for sharing sensual pleasures, for me, is after we are close friends. Whether in the ambiance of a favorite restaurant or with the sand sliding between our toes on a secluded beach or immersed in the excitement of any favorite activity - or intimate stimulation of our senses, I am open, but cautious. We can prove how much we care about each other after we know each other well enough to know we care for each other, anytime before that is pretense. I don't do pretense well at all. Call it a social flaw.

I want to know your awkward pauses. Your strength and your weaknesses. I want to know you. I want you to know me without the games or pretenses or rituals. All I ask is that you do not intentionally cause harm or avoid sharing yourself without telling me. Stay honest above all else.

New Roommate?

So as I was saying farewell to the roommate website because it's turned into a SPAM website more than a useful tool to find compatible person to share space in a specific location. So I sent messages to a dozen or so people and this message below was the one that received a response:

I am honest, kind, reliable, respectful - you? I've been looking to share a place for a while without much luck, so I am looking at renting a room again. Tell me more about your place? Please email (my email) as I am not paying for this site at the moment so I can't read messages here. Hope to hear from you, thanks. Ric

And he responded...

My name is (his name). you sent me a message about the room in Lake Mary.

Its a 4 bedroom 2 bath house 2000 sq ft. I am the only full time resident but kids some days. The room is by the front door and the bathroom will be private.

Does that sound like something you might be interested in?

And I responded back...

Just getting in from work. Does that sound like something I'd be interested in?... A resounding yes and a bit of no :)

The "yes" comes from wanting to live in a clean place (you wouldn't believe this place I rent these days), not that I'm OCD squeaky clean person, just want to be able to use a kitchen and bathroom without cleaning up behind someone every time... and I don't want to put a third of my salary into rent, which is what one bedrooms cost anywhere but the really bad neighborhoods. So I choose to give up some privacy to share space for comfort and security and keep costs down these days. I had a house in the 90's when 1800 sq ft could be had for a $900 15 year mortgage even with high interest rates. Feels like a few lifetimes ago. So anyway, most of me says yes. I do need to give my current roommate/landloard 30 days notice, but I can afford to overlap some too.

The "no" comes because I pay $140 a month for storage and I want to get my stuff out of there... and I am looking for a relatively permanent place because moving is not as much fun as I used to think it was. I've been thinking about buying a house, though financially I'd need to share most houses I'd like to buy. Before that sounds like a financial risk, I work for the County so income is steady (though a lot less than I used to make because I wanted a lighter load at work), have a credit rating that hovers around 800, and won't have a problem with $700 a month (even though I'd rather less... . hey, honesty is my way. :)

I've been looking for another roommate to share a space for almost two years and the right connection just hasn't happened. Living just five minutes from my desk has probably undermined my search somewhat... as unpleasant as living here can be, the convenience has me spoiled.

So that's a bit about me, specifically why I reached out and why I am needing to convince myself to move into someone else's house again. I really do want to be able to cook meals in a kitchen and make myself at home in a bathroom again. Have any room for some plastic storage bins in your garage? (I ask like we're already friends, but hey, $700 would be a lot easier if I wasn't paying for storage, so I can ask and hope :)

I write a lot and tend to ramble on paper, but I'm quiet and respectful at home. Since you want month to month, you can always boot me after a month if I rub you the wrong way (I don't think I will). Honesty is what I respect most. My careers and life has been about taking care of others. I've given everything I've had away a few times, which is why I probably won't retire again (I took a decade off when I was about your age, retired early, but started over after "love" didn't work out).

So what do you think now that you've read this?

Thanks for reading,

Followed by this text:

I just got home and emailed you a bit of an introduction and an answer to your question. I wrote it out because that helps me figure out what I want to do. If you understand maybe we can get together and talk. I've got dinner plans the next three nights. When would be good for you?

And he responded with several texts that summed up said I sound like someone I could share space with, that there is more than enough room in garage and house, he likes a clean home, the second bathroom would be mine alone, and he's looking for more than a month to month commitment. He read my words and responded to my concerns. Impressive. He's an engineer, which could be excellent compatibility on many levels.

So we meet at his place tomorrow.

Ok, so I am hopeful in spite of the compromises I sense there would have to be. Hopeful enough to post this here and link it to the daily blog. Of course part of me wants feedback and reassurance and encouragement and so on, but I don't expect to get any of that anymore. I post with that hope but just as much with the idea that this life I've lived is shared on some level even if I won't be around when the sharing actually happens.

Life may change dramatically in nine hours.

Fishing Again

An impulsive look and the email that does not go into my "Important" folder found a Plenty Of Fish email at the top so I clicked and impulsively sent two messages and updated my profile a bit. After all, I no longer have a few extra pounds and I still have hope someone in this world might actually relate to me and accept me as I am, strange as that may seem.

So...

Good manners may be everything, but faux pas make it easier to laugh at one's self (I'm easily amused). I was a veggie for 12 years and vegan for 3, but firmly enjoy an omnivorous chose these days. You've got many qualities I respect, but I may have given up on humanity enough to not be turned around in my slovenly ways. I wasn't always like this, giving everything away too many times and living on the street brings on changes in perspectives. Still, I smile at your optimism and caring - yes it shows. How's your patience? (if you laughed, we might just get along well :)

As for relationships, I'm not sure one exists for me anymore. Once upon a time I believed in true love and human goodness (The Princess Bride, Hook, Sleepless in Seattle are three all-time favorites), but people seem too confused and frightened to be trusted lately so I just want to find a friend who understands me and my perspective. It's been a very long time since I trusted someone intimately on any level. I am not looking for someone to save me. I adopt people in need too easily so I keep my distance. Why am I sending this message? Email brought me back to POF after many months away and impulse pushed through loneliness to say hello to you. A bit more than hello, aye? :)

(email and phone number) Surprise me with kind understanding and you may have a friend for life :)
Ric

Your first photo and second photo look so different, are they both of you? These sites sometimes baffle me. Why not start with deal-breakers and prevent confusing, time wasting, false hopes, and hurt feelings? Probably because it is not the best business plan. I don't trust easily and online, I don't trust much at all. Still, an email brought me back here after many month and impulse has me sending a message. For me, relationships start with friendships, activities, fun and serious conversations, and time to build trust. Once upon a time I enjoyed impulsive sex, but not in the past two decades. I have no need for religion or any gods, whether they are real or delusional. I avoid the news because people are insane and I'd rather keep negativity out of my daily view. I care about everything too much, so I insulate myself and distract myself with my own babbling and other creative play. So your first photo inspired my smile and attracted me and your second reminded me of my mother (laughing?), I believe in honesty, love, and caring. What makes you tic? :)